so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
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