This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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