I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
