Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
