I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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