I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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