I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Can I color on your dick again?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
