he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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