You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
