I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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