I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
