We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
