I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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