I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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