I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
