went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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