he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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