Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
