Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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