her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
