Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
