what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
