Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
