At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
