you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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