Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
