Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
