For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
