Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
it wasn't lemon gatorade
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
