where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
