Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
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