You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
