Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
