we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
