Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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