You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
