i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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