you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
