You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
