So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
