Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
