Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
