We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Randomize
