This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
