This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
