Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Randomize
