Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
