how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
