I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
