If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
