you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
