Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
